Here’s something I’ve been thinking about this week….
It’s the balance between “soft” and “tough” side. Now, before we start: let’s define soft and tough for the purpose of this discussion.
Soft characteristics – positive, compromises, caring
Tough characteristics – focus, action, strength
For a long time (centuries and millennium’s), softness has been a characteristics of women and toughness of men. But, for this discussion, let’s forget all of that so we can focus on being soft and tough to get to our goals.
If you can think of softness and toughness as a spectrum, with softness on the far left and toughness on the far right (it can be the other way around too). A lot of us dance between the two most of the time. Although some of us may think it’s bad to explore the other side.
What happens when we do that?
People who have a soft tendency then get overwhelmed by the empathy they feel. I don’t know about you but to me, that doesn’t sound very useful.
Then there are others who can only think about domination, competitiveness and toughness. When that happens, people generally lose the connections they treasure (it could be a connection with family, God, happiness and even their own purpose).
So, it’s probably bad to linger on the extreme of either side for too long.
I want to talk about the extreme of the soft side because I think it’s one of the most misunderstood one. We’ve had wars because of extreme toughness and such, so most of us associate extreme need to dominate and protect as a bad thing.
But, it seems so many people (especially women) believe it’s OK to be on the extreme of the soft side.
Extreme softness can be paralyzing. Let’s explore it.
Extreme Positiveness - I am all for positive thinking but sometimes we do need to get to the level of 1s are 1s and 0s are 0s. We do need to look at the world from an objective reality view (just the facts) and then we can use positive thinking to plan for what we want in our lives.
Extreme Caring – Now, this doesn’t sound bad – does it? Well, not until you get paralyzed by somebody else’s problems to the extent that you cannot help them. Then, both of you are in misery. What a nice idea.
Extreme Compromises- People have different definitions of Love and caring (which is OK if it’s working for you, no problems there). But, to some people, love brings the burden and pain of compromising to the extent that their dreams are gone. That brings nothing but depression and pain.
It’s only when you realize your strengths and build confidence, become focused on your goals that you can make positive changes.
For example, let’s look at the extreme positiveness scenario: sometimes it takes a great deal of courage and self-esteem to look at the way things are. Do you owe $100K in debt? I can’t see a point in running away from that reality, take the number and plan the way out (which is where positive expectations and looking at growth rather than getting swallowed by helplessness kicks in). You’ll also need good work ethics for this one. Take action – don’t get paralyzed by fear.
No. 2, extreme caring requires a good focus of your tasks. If you want to help someone overcome challenges, focus on your goal or you may easily get too empathic and feel the same helplessness.
No. 3, this one requires all 3 – the focus, the strength and taking action.
Go ahead and get your success right NOW – only today’s actions can build the tomorrow you want.
